Marla's Alphabet Soup

I started thinking about the origins of the birthday celebration. I always assumed that the birthday party was an extension of the celebration of the birth of Jesus—which we celebrate every year in the Christian tradition. According to a quick Google search, birthdays originated in ancient Egypt and continued into the Greek and Roman times all the way to the 4th century when the celebration of Christmas led to celebrating other birthdays.

In my family, birthdays were a big deal. Always cake—usually with my grandmother’s special chocolate frosting. There was a special present. And for some reason, we got birthday spankings. I still do not know the significance of those. Luckily around age ten that part ended! We always loved a good party whether it was small with the family, a slumber party with school friends, a party at school in class, or a day at the lake with church friends.

This year as I reach a significant milestone, I reflect less on the day itself and more on the experiences of the last half century. Alot has been made of Gen X on Facebook and Instagram and TickTock in recent years. I can appreciate all of those reels and videos! The clothes, the shoes, the music, the hair, the childhood are all vivid memories.

I started making a list of significant events that shaped me from the last five decades. These events are not necessarily in chronological order, nor are they in order of significance to me, but all are important to younger me.

I remember when:

*President Reagan was shot. Our preschool class wrote him a get well card.

*Coca-cola taught the world to sing in perfect harmony.

*Pepsi was the choice of Michael Jackson and a new generation.

*The Challenger explosion—live on TV at school. Interestingly, in this birthday season, a new shuttle is orbiting the moon!

*USA for Africa and the “We are the World” soundtrack.

*Sally Strouthers and Christian Children’s Fund commercials.

*Princess Diana’s spectacular wedding and devasting death—both live on TV.

*The fall of the Berlin Wall

*Gorbachev and perestroika and glasnost

*Tiananmen Square

*CNN carrying Desert Storm live.

*Bill Cosby was beloved and in our living room every Thursday night with the Cosby family AND on Saturday mornings with Fat Albert and the Brown Hornet reruns.

*Monica Lewinski

*I watched the Twin Towers fall on TV on 9/11.

I remember when call waiting was new, microwaves were bougie, and orange juice came frozen in a can not cold pressed in a glass bottle.

I remember my dad’s first car phone, cash or credit prices at the gas pump, and writing checks for cash because ATMs did not exist.

My husband and I shared our first cell phone. Dial up internet service on the phone line and home printers were expensive so we drove to our college “computer labs” to check our email and print our papers during graduate school.

I remember when you didn’t have to pay to keep your shoes on at the airport and when “less than 3 ounces” was a hotel amenity. Now there are full size shampoo bottles screwed into the shower walls at hotels and TSA will toss your 3.5 ounce tube of expensive sunscreen with a smirk.

We still have our landline phone at home, but wifi runs our life. Devices, streaming services, kindle unlimited, iphones. Smart thermostats, cars without remote starters, keyless entries. So many times I want to throw it all in the trash and then I pick up my phone to check the weather!

I’ve had 50 birthdays. That’s a long and happy life full of love and joy and people I care about. The next 50 years will be even more exciting! I have so much more to do.

I think, or I hope in the next 50 years instead of saying “someday I will,” I will say, “today I will.” It is a definite shift in mindset. I don’t know why this birthday feels like permission to make that change permanent, but it does. So, today I will eat the cake, drink the wine, plan the visit, make the call—all the things. Can you imagine what 50 years of my Alphabet Soup posts will look like?

Love y’all so big, especially my bicentennial brothers and sisters!

Marla

I have always had a great affinity for March. My birthday is in March (I’m an Aries). I remember learning that little ditty in school, March comes in like a lion, but goes out like a lamb. I always thought that saying was about the wind. I love the wind—unless it’s a tornado and then I’m terrified. There is a lot basketball in March. Growing up deep in ACC country, it’s a big deal. And spring officially comes in March complete with the vernal equinox and a time change (in the US)! Occasionally, Easter comes early too.

This March has been no less “mad” than the others. I feel like everyone is “mad” at each other all the time. Is it the crazy weather? The ticking of the make-a-college-decision clock? The Mercury retrograde? The political climate which continues from bad to worse? The war currently waging across the globe?

It is ironic, but surely no accident, that we are in the middle of Lent. Lent, the season of quiet reflection, repentance, and spiritual purification to prepare for the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday.

But maybe it’s all connected? March comes in like a lion full of loudness and chaos and goes out like a lamb—forty days of religious practice in preparation for the lamb of God. The spring equinox signaling a change of the seasons towards rebirth, a warming of the earth, the coming of flowers and vegetation, the triumph over winter. And the resurrection of Jesus, the ultimate triumph of good over evil.

Dearest Ones, I have no answers and oh so many questions about the state of the world, my life, my purpose. I do not know what spring will “spring” on us this year. It could be heartbreak like Beethoven’s Symphony 7 in A major Op. 92, or it could be like Beethoven’s 9th Symphony “Ode to Joy.” In both pieces there is a promise. One in A major is so sad and one in D minor is more of a turning towards joy. Oh the oxymoron (you know how I love them). In these two pieces there is promise. Within these two pieces is the “both, and” tension of our lives.

There will be good and bad, joy and sorrow, life and death in our lives. Regardless of what happens, we can acknowledge our human frailty in Psalm 51, believe in the hope of Isaiah 40, and rest in the promise of John 3.

Maybe March is the month of “both, and?” I kind of like that. The lion and the lamb. Winning and losing. Repentance and Forgiveness. Acknowledgment and Acceptance. Death and Resurrection. I resolve to live in the “spring” (tension?) of the “both, and.”

Love y’all, Marla

Here I am on social media thinking how much I need a break from social media. And still I write.

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Choosing sides in the multifaceted issue of illegal immigration seems artificial and overly simplistic to me. I have no good answers. Yes, being in a country illegally is wrong. However, choosing to be in a country illegally and living in permanent limbo in the shadows because that is safer than living in your home country should give everyone pause. America at large has cashed in on that limbo while screaming about illegals for decades. Presidents have kicked that can down the road for as long as we have talked about immigration laws. Methinks the hypocrisy underminds the argument.

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The danger of either/or politics is the false dichotomy created. Since I became a legal voter, I have always chafed under this notion of either/or. My ballot frequently looks like a drunk Christmas tree. Following the law does not negate emotion or empathy. Nor should emotion and empathy cancel legal responsibilities. Ask any criminal attorney in America.

Airline gate agents can be sympathetic to your plight and your sprint from gate E61 in terminal 4, but they are not going to reopen the boarding door once it is closed. An argument can be right and wrong at the same time for different people. The best we can do is the next right thing at the time and set our eyes on a better understanding and more meaningful compromise next time. It takes time. It is scary. There is unintended fallout. Not everyone will win.

Those of us in the silent majority in this country, currently under chastisement by the ever vocal minority, believe there is middle ground to be had on almost all of our national issues, but those making the most noise seems disinterested in finding it. Currently, we (the collective we) are allowing ourselves to be put onto war footing on any number of issues when there. is. no. war. The government, the press, social media, the internet do not have any interest in solutions because solutions do not keep them “”in power.” Solutions don’t draw advertising dollars, feed the insatiable beast of more, or provide fodder for the pundits. Clickbait is just clickbait. A news cycle is a news cycle. Controlling the narrative allows for manuevering, posturing, and whatever else is wanted when making a deal. And dear readers, there is always a deal. There always has been. It is how things are done in Washington. Everyone’s voting record becomes twisted in a tit for tat over pork barrel spending, catching the bigger fish, and back pocket favors.

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I’m so confused by the protesters. I’m not even sure what is being protested most of the time. Do the protesters even know what they are protesting? Are they protesting the removal of illegal immigrants? Or Are the protesting the way in which the removal is happening? Or are they protesting civil rights violations of citizens? Or are they just out there hollering and venting rage against people who don’t see their point of view? These arguments are not the same. I would like some clarity.

Incidentally, I feel like some protesters need a session on the value of peaceful protest. You pick one issue. One. And you make the optics so crystal clear that everyone understands what is happening. Kitchen soup protesting does not help your case.

Our rights as citizens are fragile and strong at the same time. While these rights are extended on some level to illegal immmigrants, asylum seekers, and overstaying international students while in our country, these rights are not guaranteed to them. Taking advantage of our constitutional rights as citizens and then behaving poorly on the behalf of “whomever we deem deserving” makes a mockery of our rights. People come to this country for a better life. When we treat that life in a supercilious manner, we devalue our own country’s worth. There are better ways to fight injustice than kicking cars, blocking traffic, and hurling insulting invectives at law enforcement.

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To the alphabet soup of law enforcement personnel in Minnesota and elsewhere, do you have clear guidance? Do you have proper authority in writing? Are you on board yourself with what is happening? Will your actions be backed up by your boss? By their boss? Why the SWAT gear and army grade weapons to detain and deport people? We aren’t in Fallujah. If you have to wear a facemask for your own protection in your own country, perhaps you should question what you have been asked to do? Excessive force is indulgence. Lethal force is almost never a winner and you know it. Remember your training and remember where you are—neighborhoods in America, not on a battlefield.

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Mr. President, Using your office for revenge is cheap and wrong on every level. No one is questioning the deportation of illegal aliens who have violent criminal records. However, using the widest brush possible to determine “criminal” in order to up the deportation numbers does irreparable harm to people who are here for good reason and with papers to prove it. You do not truly care about the problem of immigration any more than your predecessors did. You care about winning. Labeling protesting citizens (however ill-advised or unruly they are) as domestic terrorists is irresponsible and sets a dangerous precedent. Do better sir.

And to those yes men and women in the current administration who are operating with blinders on, how well are you sleeping at night?

Everybody needs to calm the fuck down. This situation is untenable and disasterous. I am baffled.

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And to those of you at the grocery store, or at school, or at a hospital, or your place of employment being harrassed and forced to show proof of citizenship because you are brown or black, or speaking your first language to your friends and family in public, I am so very sorry. I cannot believe that happens here, but it does and it’s wrong and super scary. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard about it from trusted friends. If I do see it and I can help, I pray I can act on your behalf in a positive way.

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That’s all I have to say. Take care of yourselves dear readers. Love your neighbors—all of them. Do the next right thing. Stay safe.

Love y’all so big,

Marla

Today is my last day of November’s gratitude journey. Interesting that it coincides with the first Sunday of Advent.

I am grateful for so many things right now. An adventurous husband who deals with traveling minutia so I only have to pack my bag and keep my temper. Two grown, healthy sons who still travel with us, hug us, and love us. A navy blue gold embossed passport that eases border crossings and immigration anywhere in the world. Day and night nurses who work holidays and weekends caring for my mother so that I can enjoy my holiday without guilt or worry. Every single day I am aware that I won the cosmic lottery and I can never say thank you enough.

I find it ironic that Advent begins today. Advent, the season of waiting. I have multiple tracks going through my head right now about waiting. One of the songs of our church Christmas cantata is titled, “Waiting.” As I sing that song in my head, I am actually physically waiting for a delayed flight home. Concurrently, I am waiting for my mother’s long illness to end. My younger son is waiting to hear about his college admission. My older son is waiting on his work schedule. My husband is waiting for the Delta app to update. I have decided that this season of limbo is another manifestation of the “both and” tension for those of us between two kingdoms.

It is difficult to think of waiting as an active practice. Waiting feels so inactive. And yet it is the most active state of being one can experience. This state of limbo is why the season of Advent is so important for me personally. Practicing “active waiting” is enormously difficult, but truly rewarding.

All these years of Advent have been a training ground for me. Waiting through nine months of two pregnancies. Waiting in countless hospital rooms, surgery centers, and doctor’s offices for loved ones. Waiting at car rental counters, in airports, in security lines—in traffic. Waiting is an integral part of life and it takes a lifetime of practice to stop fighting the wait. Allowing the wait doesn’t mean giving up, but fighting the wait burns unnecessary energy one needs for the wait.

So I wait. While I wait, I practice. Active listening. Lectio divina. Breath prayers. Compassion. And Gratitude. So Welcome Advent. I am grateful to begin again.

Love y’all,

Marla

This week has been a big one full of all the feels. I could not have borne it without my friends. I had one friend who answered the text and made a commitment for a long phone call the next day. I had one friend who answered the call and made a meeting for drinks. I had one friend who took the time to text with me even though she has her own shit sandwich going on. I had another friend text me almost every day to check on me. And another friend who shared her own similar story and let me pour mine out (again). One who immediately said, let’s go walking and set a time. One who said, how are you? And the world stopped until I was done.

“There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend. Jean Jacques Rousseau

And then there is my best friend, my husband, who has been in this crazy adult disaster life of mine from the beginning. Yesterday he took the whole day to just be with me. We took a drive. We took a hike. We had a picnic. We took a nap. We made dinner. And we didn’t talk about anything at all except the weather, our upcoming trips, college memories, and the last time we went hiking with the kids.

“Giving thanks for abundance is greater than the abundance itself.” Rumi

There is nothing so dear to a grown woman as her friends. It can be difficult to cultivate friendships as an adult outside of your kids and their activities. But it is oh so worth it. Cultivating friendship with your spouse also takes effort, but is so necessary for this beautiful life I live with him.

“I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

So thank you friends. You know who you are and what you mean to me. I am so loved and I feel your thoughts and prayers and love all the time. May I be there for you always.

Love y’all,

Marla

I’ve had to cast a wide net this week to find perspective and peace. Finding reasons to be thankful has not been difficult, but keeping the mind firmly set on gratitude has been a bit more challenging. Here are some daily quotes that kept me going:

“It’s not happy people that are thankful. It’s thankful people who are happy.”

“So much has been given to me; I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.” Helen Keller

“Gratitude helps us to see what IS there instead of what ISN’T.” Annette Bridges

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” William James

“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.” Rumi

I hope you have found moments of gratitude, thankfulness, peace, rest, quiet—whatever you have needed this week friends.

Take care and talk soon.

Love, Marla